Reality Check

July is my birthday month. & I’ve kind of created this ritual for myself where every year, leading up to the day, I take time to reflect and plan. In many ways this ritual is similar to others’ process of setting their resolutions each New Year — strive to lose weight, plan to save and/or invest money, aim to go back to school, etc. However, I typically also fill that period of introspection with some sort of activity. I paint more, get a manicure & pedicure, take myself out for drinks, etc. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do these activities throughout the year, but in July I make it a point to do these things to care for and show value in myself just a little bit more. There’s a purpose.

“& she loved herself with intent, then loved a little harder” — the quote in my IG bio has pretty much become my motto. I was about twenty-one years old when I first began to affirm myself with this quote. It started as a gentle reminder for myself to begin, and then continue, to develop a purposeful relationship with myself. I was heading into my senior year of college and had difficulty answering that classic interview question “so, tell me about yourself?”. Meaningful words always seemed to escape my mind, and surely my lips, at every attempt to respond to the one curious enough to ask. I could easily run off my resume, share the accolades I had collected or the goals I had lined up, and could tell you how hardworking and dependable I was. I could also tell you who I wasn’t. Or, if needed, as our Mama’s would say, “I could show you better than I could tell you”. But who was I? 

Who was I? Who am I? To have the ability to answer these questions one would need to have a knowledge of self, outside of the physical world. What components form my identity? & in addition, was my identity in alignment with whom I desired to be?

One early Saturday morning, I jumped out of bed and took myself on a walk around campus. If any of you have ever been on Tuskegee University’s campus during the fall, after the leaves have turned a brown-orange, you know just how calming that walk had been. There was a dewy mist in the air that hugged my body, a fresh scent of newly cut grass & the other students were still quietly in their dorms. I began to question my existence, reflecting on how I saw myself and how I presented to the world. I considered my past, present and future self. A Reality Check. I acknowledged how angry I had been, how judgemental I had become, and how insecure I truly was. Then I set goals for who I desired to become: how my mind would operate, what my body would look like, how my soul would feel, the titles I would hold and how I would be viewed by the people around me. 

I still do this exercise from time to time, it’s actually a part of my birthday ritual now. And to be honest, though it’s simple, this exercise is one of the most important things I do to celebrate my birth. Over the years, I have kept those words from that initial reality check in my journal. Those words serve as a way to review the milestones I’ve crossed & to ensure that I am progressing into the woman of my dreams. This exercise puts my life into perspective.

So, just like every July, I spent the past month intentionally loving on myself. I did have to be a bit creative with planning my acts of love due to COVID again this year, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself and felt extremely loved. I can truly say if someone today were to ask me that question “so, tell me about yourself” I could authentically talk for hours, and probably never run out of things to say. (It’s the self love for me! LOL). 

If you’re interested in completing my reality check birthday ritual, download below! I swear every moment spent with yourself is worth it! 

& Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!

P.S. Shout out to all of my Cancer zodiac brothers & sisters, ruled by the moon! Happy belated birthday!