I spent most of my free time alone as a kid. In my room, behind closed doors, escaping into a world of fantasy & make believe. Creating a life far more adventurous & animated than my reality became my pastime. Over time, I developed a preference for that imaginary realm. And as I have grown, the desire to be left unattended in my mind has implanted deep roots.
There’s a stillness in there, much different than the world we live in that is full of chaos & things misunderstood. There is control in there. I determine the volume, & I prefer a gentle softness. Always have. Early in my being I discovered that there is an absolute sweetness to me. I genuinely care about the functionality of how people, animals, the natural and spiritual intersect. But our world doesn’t really allow room for the meek & milk to reside intrinsically. So, for years I hardened, encapsulating and confining myself to an internal bunker for survival. The kindness turned into bitterness. The patience morphed into anxiety and anger. The demeanor turned cold. And the longer I stayed in that place, clashing with my natural state, the easier it became to desire being alone and away from people. I was too young, barely a teenager, to understand the hurt I was holding onto. And I didn’t have the resources to unpack it. I buried myself deep within, and wore a mask to hide the storm brewing inside.
My struggle to comprehend my reality silenced my lips, impeding my ability to verbalize thoughts. Searching for an outlet I developed a habit of completing tasks with extreme detail, and found a true devotion to the arts. Paying close attention to each brush stroke takes time, and time granted me the means of slowing my thoughts… just enough to find the girl (who was then a young woman) imprisoned behind bars made up of what the world told her she was and what she should be. As my skill improved, so did my mental health. I loved myself with intent, then loved a little harder. And eventually the confidence to be naturally sweet, still and calm began to return. I began to develop a knowing of who I was. Retreating into my mind is no longer an escape or survival tactic. My mind is my resource to Him. My pieces are no longer portals from a disorganized mind to the outside but are now testaments of what the world intended to harm me, He intended for good.
Someone once told me “something that I love about you is that you look like you always have it together”. Tranquility. In truth, I am taking it day by day, trying to figure it all out too. Riding the waves. I have moments when I am deeply in love with myself & this life, and I have moments when I have to go to my place of solitude to cry & pray it all out. I am finding my voice, learning to take up my sacred space in the world. I deserve it.
So, as I become unboxed, revealing what He has placed down within me and share my thoughts with you, I pray my words serve as inspiration for you to persist down life’s path as well. YOU are here for a reason. WE are here for a reason. There is always a reason.
Always with love,
iamunboxed.com 